and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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