So drunk its hurt
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Randomize
