So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
