Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
