I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
