Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
