Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize