So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
