just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize