I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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