He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
