How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Small penises have feelings too.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
