Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
