Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
