I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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