well I can't set my house on fire every night
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
