So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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