i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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