The brown eye won't let me do that either.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
