Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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