She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
