I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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