I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
