There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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