yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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