I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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