she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
