My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
