Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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