They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
