I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
God I need to hump something, right now.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
