I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
