Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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