I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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