you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
