Will you blow on my dice?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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