Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize