maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize