I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
