Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Randomize
