I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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