fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm determined to sit on that face.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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