Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
