hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
