Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's just like the Real World with babies
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
