I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
