"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
