We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
