Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
