You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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