i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
