dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
