What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
