I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
