is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
