he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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