I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
