It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Houston, we have a blender
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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