Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
