I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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