I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize