My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
