hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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