Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
