you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
