i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
