I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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