For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
