can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
