Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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