I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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